Battle Report - Federico: The Mailed Fist of Menoth

I've fought Federico about four or five times this year, and so I thought I'd be ready for Menites blowing my shit up. I was fucking wrong. The sheer tenacity of fighting that took place last night was horrendous with some outstanding tricks being used. Just as a warning, this battle report is FUCKING EPIC. It's over 3000 words long. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, here's the low down. The game was set at 50 points with A_Bomb! (our local hero from Brooklyn) setting up the battlefield. The victory condition was Assassination.

Battle Report - dancingmonkey: The Fate Weaver

Today, I played one of the most savage games of Warmachine I have ever played. It was against a good friend of mine dancingmonkey. With his good looks and his Wonderboy avatar, we had one hell of a game. Things got crazy real quick and a whole mess of shenanigans were used during the game. The game was set at 50 Points and we used one of the Steamroller Scenarios, Close Quarters.

Dealing with Cheaters: Warning Signs

Cheaters are another variety of cunt and in wargaming they are frowned upon wherever they play. From the guy who's army list is 250 points over in a game of Warhammer 40'000 all the way to the guy to plays down the clock in a timed Warmachine game. Nobody likes cheaters, they play the game and selectively break the rules to benefit themselves.

Wargamer Interview: Aries37 - On Aries37 and Conquest.

About Aries37:Aries is an excellent Warmachine player with a great handle on combos and using some great armies. He's been playing since MK2 was released but despite the small amount of time the game has been out his standard of play is tournament worthy. Without further applause, here's the interview:

Battle Report - Marcus vs Gnarlhorn Plod

Yesterday, one hell of a game went down. Marcus using Khador with Strakhov against the mighty Gnarlhorn Plod with Circle and Mohsar. Both forces had two heavies, lots of highly dangerous units. This was Marcus' first game with the hyper dangerous Strakov and Gnarlhorn's first game fighting against him. The game was at 50 points with the Assassination victory condition. Shit was gonna REAL!

Question Time: Cryx going up against Assault Kommandos

I recieved a message from 350kilotons about dealing with Assault Kommandos being used with Strakhov against a force lead by Terminus. This was gonna be a tough one as they benefit from Pathfinder when used with Strakhov which means if you use Assault & Battery, they can be very hard to pin down and kill. Their immunity to Corrosion damage means Bile Thralls are effectively out of the question.

Morning Glory: A Reflective Piece on Phallic Imagery in Miniature Wargaming

Hello readers, it's 7am and I thought it would be a good time to talk about the representation of phallic imagery in wargames. Every game has a model that brings this about. Just a moment to look at some of the things that stand out.

Battle Report - Marcus: The Man, The Legend

So yesterday night the stage was set for a downright mental game of Warmachine. I'd been knocking back Chimay Blue's to take the edge off, but you could still cut the tension with a knife. Marcus, was still unsure about his list until the game was played and boy was it a shit kicker. He picked it from a suite of anti-Gringo lists that he has on his iBodger, next time you see him give it a look. It's goddamn scary!

Playing against total cunts. What are your thoughts?

I just wanted take some time to put down my thoughts about playing dickheads. These aren't people that just forget rules or talk smack before a game. I talking about fucking neckbeards that have the social etiquette of fucking children, that cry when they lose and laud their victory when they win.

Welcome to Café Turbo

Welcome to Café Turbo, a blog about wargames and other cool shit. Here gamers from various tastes can come to see a bunch of angry bastards put down some serious dogshit to make people smile. If you like Jane Austin, then this place isn't for you. If you like whining about people shitting on your day, then fuck off home. If you are a internet tough guy, go masturbate to your own reflection cause we don't give a fuck.