An overview of Codex: Space Marines - HQ Choices

I have just recently started putting together a Space Marine army and have read up on numerous forums and blogs the pros and cons of the different units available. What follows is the culmination of my knowledge and experience concerning Codex: Space Marines. It is important to note that special characters will not be featuring in this overview as: A) The abilities that they bring can dramatically change the paradigm of certain units. B) I personally don't believe in the use of special characters as generally speaking they are either too good for their points or not good enough.

Upcoming Game - A_Bomb!: The Brooklyn Bomber

On Tuesday I'll be playing against an awesome guy called A_Bomb!. He's a really nice guy with a love for Cryx and Legion. We're gonna be playing the scenario Convergence at 50 points. The game will use 10 minute turns and the ability to stop the clock for abilities triggering in opponents turns. It should be a total shitfest with some serious shit going down on both sides.

Lich Lord Asphixious - Spell and Feat Analysis

"I do like me some eGaspy. I just wander him around the battlefield, limp wristed with contempt regarding my opponent's ability to kill him, reaping souls, and EXCARNATING everything that I see as a good target (which is everything)." - Darknesse

I've always loved Lich Lord Asphixious. Why? Because his arrogant demeanour and cool moves have made him a fan favourite. Plus, his striking resemblance to David Lo Pan also helps. I've started on a 300 page epic about my time with him during 1921. The book is called "My Summer with Lich Lord Asphixious." and should be out some time in 2041. At first glance he seems really odd, until you get his schtick. Lich Lord Asphixious loves attrition and being nigh impossible to kill. So let's have a look at what he's got to offer in his spell list.

Building - Dark Angels Librarian

Here is the first of many posts for the Dark Angels army I am building. You'll have to forgive the mediocre image quality of this project as I'm working with quite an old digital camera.

Battle Report - The Trials and Travails of Lich Lord Asphixious

A good friend of mine Marcus played against A_Bomb a week ago. The game was amazing with Kommander Strakhov facing off vs Lich Lord Asphixious. The game was set at 50 points and both players were using very strong tournament style lists. Marcus' artwork is amazing and the detail is stunning. Check it out at Marcus' Blog: Here.

Battle Report - Federico: The Mailed Fist of Menoth

I've fought Federico about four or five times this year, and so I thought I'd be ready for Menites blowing my shit up. I was fucking wrong. The sheer tenacity of fighting that took place last night was horrendous with some outstanding tricks being used. Just as a warning, this battle report is FUCKING EPIC. It's over 3000 words long. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, here's the low down. The game was set at 50 points with A_Bomb! (our local hero from Brooklyn) setting up the battlefield. The victory condition was Assassination.

Wargamer Interview: Gnarlhorn Plod - The Sunhammer

About Gnarlhorn Plod: Plod is an awesome player who fight using the Circle Orboros. His battle plans are elaborate and baroque as the coils of the serpent that his army features. Having played Hordes for a short amount of time his fighting style is quick surgical strikes backed up with overwhelming force in the form of the dangerous heavy beasts of Circle. The last time I played him, I completely shat myself when his Pureblood Warpwolf just used Ghostly to waltz past my troops and put a POW 14 Spray on Irusk's shocked face. Here's the interview:

500 point MKI Warmachine "Old Skool Throwdown"

Tomorrow sees me play the first "competitive" game of Warmachine I have for quite a while. I've been slacking a lot recently in relation to Warmachine and so the only games I've had in the past few months have been a couple of demo games.

Upcoming Game - Federico: The Mailed Fist of Menoth

Tomorrow I'll be playing against a good friend of mine, Federico. Federico is one dangerous motherhubbard with training that goes back to the Renaissance. His tactical advice has stopped the wars during that time. The famous opening in Chess (The Italian Gambit) was formulated by chess masters after watching his Warmachine play. His Menites fight under the careful eye of Grand Scrutator Severius and the solemn gaze of High Exemplar Kreoss. This game should be fucking amazing.

Battle Report - dancingmonkey: The Fate Weaver

Today, I played one of the most savage games of Warmachine I have ever played. It was against a good friend of mine dancingmonkey. With his good looks and his Wonderboy avatar, we had one hell of a game. Things got crazy real quick and a whole mess of shenanigans were used during the game. The game was set at 50 Points and we used one of the Steamroller Scenarios, Close Quarters.

Dealing with Cheaters: Warning Signs

Cheaters are another variety of cunt and in wargaming they are frowned upon wherever they play. From the guy who's army list is 250 points over in a game of Warhammer 40'000 all the way to the guy to plays down the clock in a timed Warmachine game. Nobody likes cheaters, they play the game and selectively break the rules to benefit themselves.

Wargamer Interview: Aries37 - On Aries37 and Conquest.

About Aries37:Aries is an excellent Warmachine player with a great handle on combos and using some great armies. He's been playing since MK2 was released but despite the small amount of time the game has been out his standard of play is tournament worthy. Without further applause, here's the interview:

Battle Report - Marcus vs Gnarlhorn Plod

Yesterday, one hell of a game went down. Marcus using Khador with Strakhov against the mighty Gnarlhorn Plod with Circle and Mohsar. Both forces had two heavies, lots of highly dangerous units. This was Marcus' first game with the hyper dangerous Strakov and Gnarlhorn's first game fighting against him. The game was at 50 points with the Assassination victory condition. Shit was gonna REAL!

Question Time: Cryx going up against Assault Kommandos

I recieved a message from 350kilotons about dealing with Assault Kommandos being used with Strakhov against a force lead by Terminus. This was gonna be a tough one as they benefit from Pathfinder when used with Strakhov which means if you use Assault & Battery, they can be very hard to pin down and kill. Their immunity to Corrosion damage means Bile Thralls are effectively out of the question.

Morning Glory: A Reflective Piece on Phallic Imagery in Miniature Wargaming

Hello readers, it's 7am and I thought it would be a good time to talk about the representation of phallic imagery in wargames. Every game has a model that brings this about. Just a moment to look at some of the things that stand out.

Battle Report - Marcus: The Man, The Legend

So yesterday night the stage was set for a downright mental game of Warmachine. I'd been knocking back Chimay Blue's to take the edge off, but you could still cut the tension with a knife. Marcus, was still unsure about his list until the game was played and boy was it a shit kicker. He picked it from a suite of anti-Gringo lists that he has on his iBodger, next time you see him give it a look. It's goddamn scary!

500 point Doubles Tournament

The dust has now settled on the 500 point doubles tournament that I just took part in. As I've not played a game of 5th ed WH40K my intent was to just watch and have a few beers but a week ago I was called in as someone partner had dropped out. No better way to cut your teeth than with a mini tournament I suppose.

Upcoming Game - Marcus: The Man, The Legend

I just wanted to give a heads up on a game I got against a fellow from my local club. We're both practising for the the European Team Championships as we'll be entering together in a team with a fellow wargamers Minus_T and A_Bomb!.

Playing against total cunts. What are your thoughts?

I just wanted take some time to put down my thoughts about playing dickheads. These aren't people that just forget rules or talk smack before a game. I talking about fucking neckbeards that have the social etiquette of fucking children, that cry when they lose and laud their victory when they win.

Kommander Strakhov - Spell Analysis

Kommander Strakov seems like a pretty cool dude. So it's time we looked at his spell list.

Welcome to Café Turbo

Welcome to Café Turbo, a blog about wargames and other cool shit. Here gamers from various tastes can come to see a bunch of angry bastards put down some serious dogshit to make people smile. If you like Jane Austin, then this place isn't for you. If you like whining about people shitting on your day, then fuck off home. If you are a internet tough guy, go masturbate to your own reflection cause we don't give a fuck.